The Lovely, the Messy, and the True: Marriage Advice I’ve Heard While Painting Weddings

Since 2018, I’ve painted around 50 weddings. That's a lot of opportunity to witness a wide range of family dynamics, beliefs, and advice. As I paint, I enjoy the sights, smells, and sounds around me, which often include people reminiscing about their own marriages or offering advice to the newlyweds, engaged guests, or bystanders.

Here are some insights that I've accumulated over the years, along with my reflections on each. While my marriage is still relatively young, my husband and I have lived a lot of life in our nearly 20 years together. I believe what I have to say holds value, so I'm excited to share it here! 

The Lovely:

1. “Say I love you constantly.”

This is a beautiful piece of advice. Life is fleeting, and with my anxiety, every moment feels like an uncertain one. This simple phrase has become a mantra in my marriage, a gentle reminder to express love before every phone call ends and every car pulls away. 

2. “It’s never too late to find the love of your life.”

I heard this from a 65-year-old woman who bravely left behind an unfaithful, tumultuous marriage. Years later, she found her true love, a connection that renewed her love of life. **Cue the happy tears.**

3. “Leave love notes and buy ‘just because’ flowers.”

It truly is the little things…


The Messy:

1. “Don’t go to bed angry.”

People toss this phrase around like it’s the gospel truth. Alternatively, sometimes a warm shower and a good night’s sleep are exactly what my husband and I need to reach a respectful and peaceful resolution to a disagreement. 

2. “Opposites attract.”

Eh, maybe they do. But those core values tho…those probably need to align 🙂

3.  “Be each other’s everything.”

This is a recipe for suffocation. I can’t imagine the weight of feeling like my partner’s happiness, hobbies, choices, decisions, preferences, etc. rely on me. Each of us should connect with and nurture our individuality so that we can come together as healthy, whole people who can then thrive as a unit.


The True:

1. “Never stop learning about each other.”

This past year, I had a realization: one day, when our child moves out to start her own family, my husband and I will once again be a party of two. It seems obvious, yet I’ve witnessed so many marriages falter after the kids leave. I once thought those years were the golden era of marriage, but I was wrong, and it’s disheartening.

As young parents juggling entrepreneurship, homeschooling, and social lives, we’ve had to be intentional about carving out time for date nights and meaningful conversations. The truth is, those date nights often get canceled; life just happens.

But we’ve decided to change this. We want to prioritize learning and growing together. It could be something as simple as my husband now preferring Taco Bell over Wendy’s. I want to understand him and celebrate who he is today and every day, especially since we’ve evolved so much over the almost 20 years of being together!

2. “A woman should choose a man who is good to his mother BUT doesn’t put his mother before his bride.” 

I've heard the first part of this phrase over and over again...but FINALLY someone said the rest out loud: Wives should come first. Apparently, there are a lot of scorned women who can agree on this topic, because I hear similar advice often. I’ll let the Bible drive home this point for me: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24). 

3. "No man wants to be intimate with his mother, so don’t act like his mother."

Old Me:

• Organizing chore lists for both of us
• Scheduling all doctor and dentist appointments
• Asking for help but then micromanaging the task
• Buying gifts for my family and friends AND his family and friends
• Handling communication with my family AND his family
• Planning every party and get-together

New Me (as of a few weeks ago):

• “I appreciate your help with the dishes; it means a lot to me.”
• “I trust you to manage your health—it’s important to me, too.”
• “You know your family well; I’m sure they’ll love whatever gift you choose for them!”
• “I’d love to relax and enjoy our daughter’s birthday party this year.”

When I tell y’all that our marriage is changing before my eyes…it’s wild how gratitude and mutual respect can transform a relationship. I can't take full credit. I highly recommend Laura Doyle’s marriage advice. As an independent, assertive woman, her approach has been a hard pill to swallow, but it’s working…so there’s that!

I truly hope some newly engaged couples are reading this. I wish I had learned these things earlier and had more people speaking life, gratitude, and respect into my marriage from the start.