Chasing Trophies

I’ve been familiar with Enneagram for several years now. I’ve enjoyed hours of podcasts and reading on the topic; To see myself so accurately described in black and white on book pages is…entrancing. humbling, and so relieving. 

The Enneagram personality system has roots in Christianity and is so accurate that the Fine Arts department I taught with for 8 years used it to differentiated instruction for our diverse set of students. The Enneagram categorizes folks into 9 types.  

Have you ever started a new job and realized that some of your new co-workers are eerily   similar to people you’ve worked with before (both in appearance and personality)? I’ve always been convinced that although God created each of us so vastly and uniquely different, he possibly stamped us all from a common slab of clay using only a few different cookie cutters.

What else explains how accurate the Enneagram seems to be!?

And oh my, how grateful I am to know that in this rat race of Enneagram 3 life, I’m far from alone. Other Threes get it. They understand. They are me and I am them!

In contrast to other personality/aptitude assessment results, Enneagram types do not describe how people act, but rather the motivation behind their actions. So, what motivates a Three you might ask?

Success. Affirmation. Being Needed.

If I find myself around friends who always have the best idea in the room, the best way of doing things, the best advice, the illusion of perfection, etc., I tend to bail.

Why? Because they don’t need me. My ideas and input have no place in what is supposed to be a mutually fulfilling relationship.

If I work a job with finite opportunities for advancement, I bail.

Why? Because I work best when there’s always but never a trophy in sight (if that makes sense).

If I make an effort to put aside busyness to fellowship with people, and the effort is not reciprocated, I bail. 

Why? Because generally speaking, people make time for what and who matters. If I don’t seem to matter, I’m done. This is especially true for a Three.

During this morning’s commute, I listed to the Enneagram album, Atlas by Sleeping at Last. Each song is as complex and unique as the type it describes.

I’m about to be extremely vulnerable. This part of my post may cause you to think of me in a few various ways (even this disclaimer is such a “Three” thing to do…).

1. Heidi is full of herself.
2. Heidi is humble bragging.
3. Heidi has her crap together.

I can’t help what you think of me. But just know that I’m aware of all of these possibilities (none of which are my true intentions btw), yet I’ll still attempt to make you understand because I’m a Three. That’s what Threes do. 

So, here goes. 

My life as an Enneagram Three has looked like this (the ups and downs):

1. Perfection anxiety starting in 2nd grade. Only A’s are acceptable. Those are what gain me accolades and affirmation from everyone.

2. Loving sports but not being great at any of them. 

3. Dawning the blondest hair and smokiest eyes when I finally gained confidence with my appearance.

4. Graduating undergrad with a 4.0, then realizing most employers don’t even look at GPA. 

4. That degree wasn’t enough so I needed a Master’s also. More student debt.

5. Wanting to quit my art teaching career after year three, but winning Teacher-of-the-Year and gaining a fresh gumption to go all-in.

6. Quitting four years later anyways, because I still didn’t particularly want to be a teacher.

7. Opening my own art business that is lucrative, liberating, and so enjoyable. 

I’m exhausted just having typed this list. That’s because I remember being a very unhealthy Three back then. I was ALWAYS chasing trophies, affirmation, and personal value in how others viewed me.

Now, I balance work AND rest. I see fine lines and a stray grays, and I embrace them. I’m ok with having a Master’s degree in teaching that I don’t use in a classroom. I resist the urge to post every personal or familial achievement (that urge is STRONG). Do I get it right all of the time? Of course not. No one does, especially in the time of cursed social media where we can fool everyone into thinking we have everything figured out. But, I do think I ebb and flow more towards the side of a “healthy” Three nowadays.

Maybe that growth is one of the natural perks of your thirties, but I’d like to think some self-awareness and purposeful work on my part has something to do with it!

Below are the lyrics for my Enneagram song. 


Three
Sleeping At Last

Maybe I've done enough
And your golden child grew up
Maybe this trophy isn't real love
And with or without it, I'm good enough

Maybe I've done enough
Finally catching up
For the first time I see an image of my brokenness
Utterly worthy of love
Maybe I've done enough

And I finally see myself
Through the eyes of no one else
It's so exhausting on this silver screen
Where I play the role of anyone but me

And I finally see myself
Unabridged and overwhelmed
A mess of a story I'm ashamed to tell
But I'm slowly learning how to break this spell
And I finally see myself

Now, I only want what's real
To let my heart feel what it feels
Gold, silver, or bronze hold no value here
Where work and rest are equally revered
​
I only want what's real
I set aside the highlight reel
And leave my greatest failures on display with an asterisk
Worthy of love anyway